Sunday, January 29, 2012

01/29/12 - Home Administration

#1 is the scary bag the syringes came in
#2 is daddy doing the injections.

I found it to be a photo op, Adam did not.  He approved this post, however.  So, the routine goes like this:
1. Take the alcohol swab and swab around the tube for 15 seconds.
2. Next, do a saline flush with the first syringe, pulling back to (looking to pull some blood) to make sure the line is working. then, inject the chemo making sure nothing touches the syringe except the gloves and very slowly (little push, count to ten, little push, etc).
3. Then, another saline flush, but still slow, check again that the line is working to make sure everything went in and there is no leakage later.
4. Finally, inject a coagulant, clipping the line at the very end.

I am telling you, we are practically doctors in the Hendren household.  Day 1, check.  One more tomorrow plus we get to take out the needle.  Will keep ya posted!

I would also like to announce my serious intent at marathon running.  I began my interest last year thanks to my friend Megan, but the distance did not allow for much (needed) accountability.  At clinic on Friday I found that our fav nurse runs with a local Team in Training and invited me to come to one of their events.  Hmmm, maybe.  And then talked to my amazing friend Laurel today, and she is committed to 1/2 marathon in June - training Sat mornings already.  I was super motivated today and set out for a long run.  I felt like I could run all night! Yes, there was Gu involved, but I marked down 7 miles and considered going again.  I love the solitude.  Once you find a groove, there is no huffing or puffing, the leg cramps start when you've hit your ability distance, but the way your muscles, breathing, and movements are in rhythm, it is amazingly peaceful. I find my isolation when I run.  Sometimes I think about the upcoming softball season, sometimes I get lost in my "workout jams," and sometimes I argue and debate about the way God is working in our lives.  I play Devil's advocate, unfortunately.

I was seriously questioning recently how this could possibly a "planned," "everything works for good," "peace and joy" time.  How could He?  Why would He?  What would happen if?  I realized that the promises and psalms I rely on are legitimately on my heart, but I don't think I really believed them.  But God finds a way to isolate you during adversity - whether from people, physically, or just hitting you at an unexpected isolated moment, and it forces you to search and wrestle on your own.  Nobody else's philosophy - just my relationship with Him.  And, I am happy to report, He still wins.  Apparently, I internalize, observe, and wait for my insides to self destruct.  I haven't changed my mind, I still count my blessings everyday and see the opportunity to share God's glory in our lives, but in addition, I am starting to believe the reality of the scripture and truly find the peace that comes with trusting Him in every situation.  I got angry with Him, but He knew about my anger since August, it was just a matter of time before it caught up with me.  Luckily, that unconditional love thing is also true.  He is still good, we are still in His holy hands, and He is still the God of my life.  And here I am running, the one thing I have hated to do my whole life, and experiencing solitude (and, yes, isolation) while building confidence in my relationship with our Lord.  What a wonderful life.

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