Wednesday, September 7, 2011

09/07/11 Germs, Germs, Everywhere

I don't know where to start.  It's been a few days.  A few busy, chaotic, days.  I am writing for therapy tonight. Bare with me.  A collection of jumbled thoughts.  Here we go...

So, we have been home from the hospital for 4 days now.  Our biggest nemesis is the germs.  Good germs, bad germs, obvious germs, sneaky germs.  I am trying not to let the germs consume me, but I went back to work, so, they do.  I work with 60 teenagers, 30 adults, and even more parents.  This means I come into contact with at least 100 people every day!  And to not bring home germs that will put my son in the hospital, is a little overwhelming.  Lucky for me, I have been studying Matthew 6 still.  It says,    24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other."  Verse 25 refers specifically to money, however, this concept applies to my situation.  I am a servant to the germs.  I hate them, but I am letting them consume me.  I have got to step away from the germs. 

And then, guess what, we have a "bug" in the house.  Rachel is sick.  How, where, when she got this cold, I have no idea.  It could have been at dance class, the Scottish games, church, or just picked up in the normal day routine.  Have I mentioned the kids share a room?  Yes, as of this summer, we thought it a brilliant idea to share the big bedroom, get some bunk beds, go crazy with some paint, and wa-la!  Well, that means they share a closet, toys, and GERMS!  Ugh.  What do we do?  Do I wash her sheets every day until its gone?  Make her wear mittens?  Confine her in isolation until it's gone?  These are obviously not realistic options.  What can I do? What would you do? All I can think of is pray.  And I act like that is not enough.  Where else have we gotten the strength to tackle this thing?  How else would we be able to see the light and positives and blessings we have?  It is from the prayer and support, and that IS all we need.

Adam had his first blood draw at the phlebotomist today.  He has to do this every Wed for this month.  He did not cry, but, of course, wasn't happy.  Josh took him, so this is not first-hand account.  I hear, though, they got Egg McMuffins afterwards, so all was well.   Oh yeah, let's talk about food for a minute.  My son can all of a sudden eat 4 meals, 8 snacks, and basically consume as much food as a sumo wrestler, if we allow it.  And he doesn't want fruit and vegetables.  He wants cheez-its, popcorn, potato chips, wheat thins, toast, garlic bread, (you see my point)?  Cheese and carbs, cheese and carbs.  I thought the meds were going to be expensive... If he doesn't eat enough, he gets a tummy ache. If he eats too much he will look like a sumo wrestler!  This is from the steriods he is taking.  They have already made him look puffy.  He is now going for full-bodied linebacker status.

He is also behaving differently.  Not bad, just different.  Withdrawn, conscientious, fearful, touchy.  He has been observing a little more, and participating less.  The cousins were playing outside tonight, and he was sitting with me for a little while.  He decided Food Network was more appealing (I told you about the chef thing?). Hard to blame him - it is reality tv at its best!  But I was concerned he didn't want to play outside with everyone else.  Also, last night he tells me, "Mommy, I don't like this house anymore." My response, "but honey, this is the house God provided for us.  It's not easy to have a house."  He says, "Well, I think we need to check out some other houses."  Where did that come from?

Theory #1: He is upset and/or starting to feel angry about what is going on and the changes.  He feels different than everyone else, and if he moves to a new house, everything will go away.

Theory #2: He is recovering from the hospital.  Adam is a kid of routine.  From the time he was an infant, he needed structure and schedule.  He was hungry every four hours on the dot.  Even now, he wakes up at 6:30, has milk at 7, lunch at 11:30, nap at 12... etc.  The daily routine is important to him.  So, he just got back from a week and a half at the hospital that rocked his world and made a mockery of this routine.  So, he needs a few days to adjust and see that everything is really back to normal.  His routine is his security.  Which is why Josh and I went back to work so soon.  Get back in the routine that he knows. 

Then, I started to feel sorry again.  Sorry for him, sorry for me, sorry for everyone.  I just wanted to tell him that everything is ok and there is nothing for him to worry about - and that be all he needed.  But I don't understand what he is feeling emotionally or physically, except for info sheets and side effect reports and medical jargon that go on for days.  And wouldn't you know it, I only lasted about 15 minutes in my self-loathing.  Christine and Jennifer came over tonight to drop off some gifts for the kids.  Jennifer shared with me some pictures of her foster brother who was diagnosed with ALL at age 2.  He is now a tall, strong, kid, going to school, playing basketball and living a normal life.  And it hit me.  We are the lucky ones.  Mrs. Fellows shared with me after school on Tuesday, and this also encouraged me and showed me back to the path.  While Adam's disease may be temporarily routine- changing, the only life-altering it is going to do is for us spiritually.  Who knows how this experience is going to be a testimony for us in the future.  And I am lucky to see the daily working of God's hand through His people who have been calling, texting, facebooking, and even coming to see us. 

So, all we can do is take one day at a time.  I pray that Adam does not catch Rachel's cold.  I am also praying that he is in remission after this Friday's procedures.  I am sure he will be because he has been progressing really well, but just in case God doesn't know our preference, I am praying reminders to Him.

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